After reading through the comments from my last article about abortion, I realized that there was one perspective missing from the debate. Whenever there is a discussion about abortion, the focus is on the mother and child, as it should be. But what about the father (excluding cases of rape)? Shouldn’t he have a say in what happens to the child? To my knowledge, there is not a wealth of information explaining how men view abortion and what they would do if faced with the choice of aborting their child. I talked to a couple of men, one is 18 years old, the other is 22. Both of them have interesting viewpoints on the topic of abortion and what they would do if they were ever confronted with the situation.
I find that the best way to report someone else’s views is to use their own words. Below is the conversation between myself and an 18 year old male when I asked him if abortion was ever okay:
Him: Well, I suppose it depends on the situation. If, say, a 14 or 15 year old got pregnant, then I'd understand the reason.
Me: Ok. And I’m assuming your reasoning for that is because they’re too young to really be effective parents? (Or something similar.)
Him: Yeah.
Me: Let's say a girl is....27, 28, 29 years old, and she gets raped and consequently pregnant. Then what?
Him: Well, that’s her decision.
Me: All right. Let's say you get your girlfriend or wife pregnant; there are complications, and it's either abort the baby or your girl dies. What would you do?
Him: Abort the baby.
Me: Why?
Him: Because I don’t think I could a) raise a baby on my own and b) live without my lover with me.
This young man, who lives in Britain, believes that abortion is warranted when the couple is essentially incapable of providing a quality life for the child. At first, there seemed to be a bit of discrepancy when he said that if the couple was incapable of providing appropriate care for the child, then they should abort the baby. When I talked to him later, he also said that abortion was warranted if the couple was to split up because of the pregnancy, presumably because a single parent household would not be an ideal situation for the child.
At 22 years of age, Bill has already come close to having to make a decision about aborting a baby. Or so he thought. He had broken up with his girlfriend when she told him she was pregnant with his child. But when she found out he wanted to keep the baby, she told him she wanted to get an abortion. As it turns out, she lied about having a baby; it was just a ploy to get him to stay with her. This is his side of the story.
“I grew up in a household that supports abortion, and gun control...I always figured that if [my girlfriend] had gotten pregnant, since neither of us wanted children really, it would be a very simple choice to make, but it wasn't. How do you kill something that is yours? [It would be] like cutting off a foot or poking out an eye. The child, had it not been entirely fictitious, would have been mine. It would have been my gift to the world, had the opportunities I didn't, and the paternal love I didn't have. How could I say that [letting the baby be born] was wrong when it didn't even have a chance to show me [who it could be]. For all I knew, it could be the next Hitler or the next Ghandi. It had nothing but the DNA we gave it. With that, it had so much potential for greatness. I couldn't say it didn't have the right to fight and suffer, the right to the feeling of absolute pleasure when you get your first paycheck or absolute misery when they say “You’re just not cut out for this.” [And my girlfriend] can't just say, “It's my body I'll do with it as I please.” Yes she would bear the nine months of agony, and then what? I would take [the baby] and she would never have to be bothered with it again if she so chose. If she could not do that for me, then at the very least, [she should] do it for the living being inside of you. You made a mistake...we all do, but own up to it. I wasn't asking her to ruin her life [by keeping the baby], just nine months...When I found out she wanted me to abort I fell apart. I was an emotional wreck, a shell of a man. I'll never forget that feeling; my life froze, and everything felt like the screws were coming undone.”
So there are two different opinions here; one the one hand, one based on theory, the other on experience. It is important to remember that there are always two sides to every story, and abortion is no exception. I would love to hear more from my male readers about what they would do if their significant other told them she wanted an abortion.
I find that the best way to report someone else’s views is to use their own words. Below is the conversation between myself and an 18 year old male when I asked him if abortion was ever okay:
Him: Well, I suppose it depends on the situation. If, say, a 14 or 15 year old got pregnant, then I'd understand the reason.
Me: Ok. And I’m assuming your reasoning for that is because they’re too young to really be effective parents? (Or something similar.)
Him: Yeah.
Me: Let's say a girl is....27, 28, 29 years old, and she gets raped and consequently pregnant. Then what?
Him: Well, that’s her decision.
Me: All right. Let's say you get your girlfriend or wife pregnant; there are complications, and it's either abort the baby or your girl dies. What would you do?
Him: Abort the baby.
Me: Why?
Him: Because I don’t think I could a) raise a baby on my own and b) live without my lover with me.
This young man, who lives in Britain, believes that abortion is warranted when the couple is essentially incapable of providing a quality life for the child. At first, there seemed to be a bit of discrepancy when he said that if the couple was incapable of providing appropriate care for the child, then they should abort the baby. When I talked to him later, he also said that abortion was warranted if the couple was to split up because of the pregnancy, presumably because a single parent household would not be an ideal situation for the child.
At 22 years of age, Bill has already come close to having to make a decision about aborting a baby. Or so he thought. He had broken up with his girlfriend when she told him she was pregnant with his child. But when she found out he wanted to keep the baby, she told him she wanted to get an abortion. As it turns out, she lied about having a baby; it was just a ploy to get him to stay with her. This is his side of the story.
“I grew up in a household that supports abortion, and gun control...I always figured that if [my girlfriend] had gotten pregnant, since neither of us wanted children really, it would be a very simple choice to make, but it wasn't. How do you kill something that is yours? [It would be] like cutting off a foot or poking out an eye. The child, had it not been entirely fictitious, would have been mine. It would have been my gift to the world, had the opportunities I didn't, and the paternal love I didn't have. How could I say that [letting the baby be born] was wrong when it didn't even have a chance to show me [who it could be]. For all I knew, it could be the next Hitler or the next Ghandi. It had nothing but the DNA we gave it. With that, it had so much potential for greatness. I couldn't say it didn't have the right to fight and suffer, the right to the feeling of absolute pleasure when you get your first paycheck or absolute misery when they say “You’re just not cut out for this.” [And my girlfriend] can't just say, “It's my body I'll do with it as I please.” Yes she would bear the nine months of agony, and then what? I would take [the baby] and she would never have to be bothered with it again if she so chose. If she could not do that for me, then at the very least, [she should] do it for the living being inside of you. You made a mistake...we all do, but own up to it. I wasn't asking her to ruin her life [by keeping the baby], just nine months...When I found out she wanted me to abort I fell apart. I was an emotional wreck, a shell of a man. I'll never forget that feeling; my life froze, and everything felt like the screws were coming undone.”
So there are two different opinions here; one the one hand, one based on theory, the other on experience. It is important to remember that there are always two sides to every story, and abortion is no exception. I would love to hear more from my male readers about what they would do if their significant other told them she wanted an abortion.